“In a world where everything’s fake, be the one thing that is Real.”
I’d like to think that as a kid I was pretty authentic. I’d run through the grass, barefoot, and happier than I’d been the day before. I was highly emotional as well, and often very mean to my brother (sorry Hunter, I love you!) I never hid how I was feeling, and I was often in trouble for that. Even when I saw things I didn’t understand, I was pretty upfront about the fact that they scared me, and I didn’t want to be in certain places or go to certain places because of them.
As I grew older, I grew closer to God and Jesus. I went to Catholic school, and began leading choir, and the chapel group I was in. It literally ignited my soul. Everyday from 6th-8th grade I ate lunch with my favorite Priest, Father John Mary and Sister Patricia’s dog Bailey (I got the job of the dog walker). Even as a kid, I just wanted to pick their brains about everything. I wanted to know all about God. I wanted to know why humans do what they do, and I wanted to feel the love I felt from God and give it to everyone. My favorite store was Family Christian, and half of my clothing had some biblical reference on it. I mean for gosh sakes, my AIM screen name and e-mail address was “JesusIsMyHomeBoy”.
And then came high school.
I was lucky enough to go to private school most of my life. I began my freshman year at Catholic High School. I spent most of my freshman year trying to fit in. I’m pretty sure I cried most days. And just like middle school, I friended Deacon McFeely and spend a lot of time talking about things that mattered. I remember there was a girl in my class going through a terribly hard time. She was overweight, and was having all these issues with her family, and just a lot. No one would talk to her, but I was lucky enough to sit next to her in Religion class. I got to know her and was so grateful, she was so sweet and had such a good heart. I wanted to be there for her, I didn’t know why, but I did. Deacon and I worked on getting her out of her home (I’ll spare the details of this story for her privacy, and I’ll call her L). We got her into a seaton house, and we thought everything was going to be OK.
The next day she came into school, pulled me in the bathroom and took off her sweatshirt. She had been cut (some stab wounds) up and down her body. I didn’t know how she was walking, alive, or coherent. But I think the soul will carry the body to where it needs to be. I ran and got my teachers, watched them carry her away, and then began puking and crying. I think that was the first time I had experienced something so genuinely unfair. That poor girl did not deserve what she was getting, and someone needed to stand up for her.
A few days/weeks later, I was heading to history class. Every single day these big kids would block this kid X from coming in the front door, and they made fun of him and another boy Rob (with Special Needs). The kids called this “Operation OBX” (BLOCK X). I stood by and watched for some time. I had already not fit in so much, I didn’t want to stir the pot any further.
But this one day, after seeing L and all those cuts, I just couldn’t. I ran upstairs to my friend Deacon’s office, and told him I wanted to share the word of God because this was so not fair and evil how they were treating these people. He asked, “How do you plan on doing this?”
And the next week I went around to EVERY single religion class at Catholic High School and sang “Hero” by SuperChick. It’s a song about how bullying is NOT OK.
And guess what happened?
I fit in even less. Everyone started calling me the “Jesus freak”, “Goody two shoes”, “Mommy’s girl” all this other bullshit. *This was the moment*.
It broke me. Well, correction, I let it break me. I wasn’t strong enough to keep going the way I had been strong for years in my faith in God.
Not too long after that, I found out we were moving to Hawaii. I was so thankful. I needed to get the hell out of there. I made a promise to myself that I would do anything and everything I could to fit in and not make the same decisions I did that got me hated before. (You can see how this is going to go bad, right?)
Anyways, I became the ‘down for whatever girl’.
I left my soul, and my heart behind, and stopped being who I was.
I forgot about God.
I forgot about me.
It wasn’t until my Mediumship, my marriage, becoming a clear channel, and self love did I bring back my faith. Connecting to Spirit and standing true in what I do, is kind of like being up at that podium in Religion class. But this time, I’m trusting that people are going to have their opinions on me – but I can still be myself.
I can walk with God & Jesus, and I can be a Medium — AKA. I can be ME.
In writing this, I’m finding myself with tears down my face because to be honest — I still feel these feelings. It hurts, but it’s also beautiful. I hope that you always stay true to who you are. Don’t copy someone else, don’t try to fit in.
Align with God’s plan and purpose for you, and you will live the most fulfilled life ever. I want that for you — but more importantly so does God. <3