I guess I’ve always been the insecure type. When I was a child, I didn’t understand my reality vs. what was called “normal”. As I grew older that belief system caused years of poor decisions, and a “I don’t care” mentality. I never trusted what I was feeling, and I rarely trusted myself over anyone else. Sure, I could blame this all on Spirit. I mean, I stopped driving because I couldn’t even trust those experiences! But there was always a bigger picture, there was always something else going on.
I didn’t have a teacher in Mediumship. Sure, I took a few classes here and there, but I never had a curriculum or a grade system with a teacher that I could rely and depend on. But that was MY journey. I searched every where for someone who truly understood me, and could help me – but I just wasn’t finding that. Looking back now, I know that that is because I needed to grow and develop with Spirit – and do it the way I was meant to work. Instead, I turned to Allison Dubois, and I read a million books on Mediumship, and I took what worked for me and I threw away what didn’t. Spirit wasn’t going to make it easy for me.
As I started to get very comfortable in my abilities, I started to feel a bit more confident. I understood how things were going for me, and part of how things were working for me. So that turned into “I want to do everything on my own”. Listen, they should have a support group for family of Mediums, because our life is NOT EASY. So I wanted to make it easier for them, and I wanted to be stronger, and not depend on them for everything.
Can you see how that would turn out?
In time, I just rejected help. I had the “I can do it on my own, because that’s obviously what I’m supposed to do!” Bitter, eh? I just wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. But the truth is, I couldn’t. I had to realize that it was ok to ask for help, that I’m not what you’d call “normal” and going to the grocery store is the most challenging thing in the world. Not only was it ok to ask my family for help, but it was ok for me to admit that I don’t know everything.
If you are a Medium, you will understand when I say that when you think you have something figured out – it changes. So right as I was getting comfortable with my Spirit Dictionary, more information would come through. I am constantly getting information, no matter where I am, or what I am doing. Even now – I know that someone reading this has a Grandpa with the initial D that really wants to tell them hello. (p.s. he passed of a heart attack and has a connection to September).
I had to accept that that was OK, and it was cool to tell HomeBoy, “A little help over here? I’m drowning in information!” And too be honest, that is the entire reason I started teaching. Not because I even think I remotely know everything there is too know, but instead so that like minded individuals can come together and converse.
So this is a short story – it’s ok to ask for help. That doesn’t make you insecure or not capable. It means you accept yourself for the magical person you are! (or that’s what I tell myself, at least!) 🙂