I sat down to mediate, had my journal in front of me, my tea, and I pressed play. It was just like any other day, I knew the routine, I knew what to expect, and I knew I had to do it.
I opened up my own chakras, to the recorded sound of my own voice, and drifted off and out of my body. But something happened, I didn’t follow along to my guided voice. All the sudden, I was at my Granny’s lake. I was swimming, I was running through the forrest, feeling the dirt under my feet. I was watching the sunset with my loved ones, I walked back through the house. I noticed the pictures, the linoleum floor, the cups, I mean even the smallest details appeared to me.. This place, was special. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay and absorb this feeling.
When I came to, I felt lightheaded and dizzy. I tried to stand up, but I couldn’t. This was a new feeling for me, because I only really experienced going that deep was when I had Spirit Dreams. It took a little while to come back to reality. I wrote out my meditation in detail, and even writing it I found that I was crying tears that I didn’t even know I needed to cry. It was a sense of longing to be back in a moment that you can never have back. I sat back and thought about what this means. For months, I’ve been recommending this “meditation” to people to go open themselves up to the world of Spirit, and I just completely ignored it and had one of the best experiences. Was I wrong? Was my method ineffective? So many thoughts, too little time. So I decided to close the journal, and try tomorrow.
The next day, I sat down to meditate, had my journal, had my tea, and pressed play. And at that moment, I decided I didn’t want to listen to my “process”. Instead I began to write. This was bigger than my meditation, this was about what was working for me before, isn’t any more.
When I started my Mediumship, I was living in a belief system that I had to open and close my chakras, that I had to meditate 3o minutes before every reading, that Spirit liked consistency. And I’m sure a lot of Mediums out there are going to hate me for saying what I’m about to say – but I have learned that none of that is necessary. **Disclaimer** there’s a difference between necessary and HELPFUL. * I felt like I was just doing what I was taught, what was shown to me.
I used to get so frustrated with my guides, because I was told that I would be able to turn my gift off and on. Bull Sh*t. My family and friends will tell you, it doesn’t matter where I am, Spirit is there too waiting to give some messages. I remember yelling at my guide, literally yelling at my guide, one night after going to visit a friend at work and saying “why can’t I have just one night not seeing someone dying brutally? WHY DID YOU have to show that to me?!”. I have apologized profusely for that moment to Homeboy. 🙁 There is no turing off my gifts, because my gifts aren’t just a part of my life, they ARE my life, and I am just ME. MEdium and all. So me trying to control myself was causing so much resistance and turmoil, that it was almost causing adverse affects.
When I started doing Readings, well that was a whole other beast. I had a routine. I thought that I had to jack myself up on tea, not eat for at least 2 hours before my reading, and a 30 minute meditation before each reading. Do you see how disruptive this is to everyday life? And like most of you know, once I opened my doors I started doing multiple readings a day. So in short, I winded up inviting my old eating disorder habits back in, got addicted to 5 Hour Energies, and spent a lot of time doing prep work, that could have easily come through in readings. I was trying too hard. And again, I was taught “Structure” and “Consistency”.
The more I did on the spot readings, like at dinner or work events, I realized that Spirit was showing up even if I didn’t do all that craziness – So what was I doing to myself? I had to kick that about three months in, when literally my energy was GONE. I had nothing left to give. If I had three readings, I had to eat. I quit the caffeine cold turkey because of my breast cancer scare, and I stopped meditating – I just started to open.
Since going with the flow of my readings, they are STRONGER and completely unique. I am open to whatever information is going to come through, and I’m much more confident in myself and my abilities knowing that I don’t have to do this crazy routine, that it’s all natural. I had to realize that as I grew and evolved within my own abilities, that the things I used to think may no longer be what I needed now. I had to throw out EVERYTHING that I was taught, and start feeling what I needed to do.
So that’s what was happening with my meditation. I had used something that worked wonderfully for me, but it was time to do something different. So it was time to get to work. Just kiddin.
I sat there, in the quiet, and allowed it to flow through me. And then I got that the Bronco’s were going to win the Super Bowl. Yes, real talk. Dated it and all in my journal.
My point? Sometimes things that were once working for you might not any more, and it’s ok to grow, change and evolve with whatever’s going on in life. Friends, teachers, lifestyle choices can all change, grow, and develop. So don’t stay doing something that isn’t going to work for you anymore. I definitely could have taken it like my mediation was no good. And that’s just not the case, it’s just I’ve learned things since recording it, and I needed to be open to doing something different. Everything’s changing for me now, so why wouldn’t that too?
Just a thought. 🙂 NEW meditation coming soon 🙂 HAH!